Saturday, 29 October 2011

The Haunting by Checkers

"A month after his wife's death, Ahmed was found dead in his house from a brain aneurism due to a head injury!"
It was just a year ago when Ahmed used to be working for a big retail company in Islamabad. As a perpetual and hard worker, Ahmed started to impress his senior in charge, Sarah. Later on, they became really good friends and as time passed, they started coming even closer to each other. It was a Saturday afternoon,  while having lunch with Sarah, Ahmed proposed the idea of taking their friendship on a next level; getting married.
The marriage proved to be a success. Both of them had an amazing understanding till Sarah decided to be the dominant one in the house. This irritated Ahmed to the extreme. He kept thinking of ways to become the dominant one in the house. With nothing in mind Ahmed consulted his friend who, at that point, just went through a divorce. After a long conversation, he decided to kill Sarah. Killing her would not just mean he would get dominance, but also the money and property which was on her name. Greed for money quelling the love he had for his wife, Ahmed pushed her down the stairs. Tumbling down the stairs, she landed head on to the ground and died on the spot.
Pleased with what he had now, Ahmed enjoyed every moment of his single life. But money can never buy happiness, and so as time passed he started to realise what a mistake he had made. Sarah had bought a new house after their marriage just for him, and now living in that house didn't feel the same. His greed for money seemed to have perished but there was another problem. He couldn't get over his wife. They both loved each other to the fullest. Living in regret, Ahmed kept thinking about her all the time and became delusional. It wasn't long enough when Sarah began to appear in front of his eyes.
After finishing his coffee in the morning, Ahmed went into the lounge where he saw his wife. Dressed up in a White dress with hair untied and blood covering half her face, Sarah had her arms out wide and reached for Ahmed. Her face was swelled up and she was limping towards him when she finally disappeared. Terrified from what he had experienced, Ahmed consulted a psychiatrist who advised him to have plenty of rest. He got home and became more conscious of what was going on around him, developing acousticophobia. He started hearing his wife many times and often.
Managing to live through this, Ahmed started losing his mentality really fast. Until one day when he woke up in the morning. Ready to leave for work, he was coming down the stairs when he heard his wife shout out his name. Terrified, he turned around and saw his wife standing face to face with him. Her eyes filled with blood, her hair flying back and her pale yellow face, just a finger away from him. He tripped down the stairs while trying to get away from her and hit his head twice on the steps. Half conscious, he somehow managed to call an ambulance and after he did, Sarah disappeared again and there was a complete black out. The ambulance, just on time as usual, took him to the hospital where he was officially declared dead.


  1. The genre of this story is horror. The author's purpose is to show a man, Ahmed's feelings and emotions after he kills his wife, Sarah for materialistic reasons. The author is trying to depict the cynicism of Ahmed, but the characters seem detached and hard to relate with. There is no evident build up to the conflict and the fast pace makes the story lose out on the true essence of a 'haunting', thus, failing to create an impact.

    Usage of words such as ' Greed for money quelling the love he had for his wife' depict the character's desperation to get rid of his wife, but, due to the exploitation of full stop usage, short sentences do not bring the message across clearly. Terror has been well integrated and blended into the story, but guilt is hardly seen.
    The main character seems to have a vivid personality and his motive behind the murder is lost between the subjectivity of the story.
    The author also seems to have a hint of implausibility by using words such as 'he somehow managed to call an ambulance', which makes the logic of the story seem somewhat disconnected.
    It also fails to trap the essence of being an engaging and edgy story; it comes across more like a list of events, rather than a fictional account.
    There is a lack of character involvement and there seems to be no role of Sarah, the wife, which could have helped make the story more gripping.

    All in all, the language of the story is satisfactory, but there seem to be flaws in the plot.

  2. (continued)
    POV is third person subject

  3. what confuses me is that if the love for his wife was so great then there should have been some conflict or anxiety in deciding to cold bloodedly murder her? its not as simple as merely consulting a friend about gaining dominance over your spouse and then simply deciding to just kill them?

  4. have pretty much TOLD us a story. However, there is no focus on the way it is told - no focus on opening, sequencing, showing feelings, building things up....
    Is it a short story - Yes
    Is it The Haunting - Yes
    Is there terror - Yes
    Is there guilt - Yes
    Grade stands at 4/10.