Saturday, 29 October 2011

The Haunting by Daredevil

As the good days of summer had started, school had come to an end. Young Aaron was out with his mother for grocery shopping and a walk n play at the park. Eager to take a leak (pee), Aaron constantly annoyed his mother and pulled on to her tracks while she was busy taking her walk.

“Scoot away Aaron, let me get done with my round and I’ll take you home!” was the mother’s response. 

“But mommy, I want to go! I’ll leak in my pants otherwise.”

Extremely frustrated, not taking any steps further, hesitant, Aaron’s mothers only response was, “just go and leak under the tree, and let me do my rounds now!”

After doing his “business” Aaron continued playing with his friends, until he was called by his mom, as it was time to go home.

At reaching home, Aaron ran to his dad and told him that he leaked under a tree as if it was his greatest achievement.

Poor Aaron had no idea as to what troubles were coming his way.

It was past mid night when Aaron’s mother demanded him to sleep that minute. Gazing at the look in his mothers eyes, Aaron with his head down, obediently walked to his room, and tucked himself in bed.

Aaron hadn’t slept long, all of a sudden he ran out of the room, banging on his parents room door so that they could take him in. The eerie look on his face had said it all. He was bombarded with a number of questions, “WHAT? WHERE? WHO?” but he was aphonic.

Even after constantly being jerked, there was no difference in his mesmerized state.

The petrified parents did all that they could to get Aaron to speak. After a number of trials all he said was “It’s there, I can see it. I want to sleep with you.”

With annoyed expression on her face Aaron’s mother lets him sleep in her room for the rest of the holidays, under the condition that he will stop watching violent movies that scares him in the night and which is why he wishes to sleep with his parents.

Aaron nearly dozed off when... from the floor where he lay, he saw the door slightly opened and there was a black shadow which flashed right to left.

The petrified feeling got the child to the urge that he leaked in his pants, and remained soundless. Not a word was uttered by him, nor did he tell his parents he leaked. 

A series of events, such as noises, shadows being seen, hearing things breaking continued for three months. Aaron did not go to his parents about any of this, assuming he’ll be made fun off, and will be prohibited from watching all sorts of movies. It was not until…

Summer holidays came to an end. Aaron, early to rise, woke his mother up so she could dress him up for school. As normal as he looked, he was extremely excited to go to school so that he could get a break from the past events. Spending couple of hours away from home and being around with his friends, Aaron’s mother was hoping that Aaron would have overcome his fear by now. But, according to Aaron he hadn’t.

After completing his homework and dinner, Aaron’s mother demanded him to sleep. The slow walk towards his room, after a couple of minutes was a mysterious rush back out.

He runs to his mother in the kitchen, and before he could utter a word, his mum screamed at him “what the hell is your problem Aaron? Are you a baby?”

Terrified, trembling, shaking and sweating, he mumbled. Finally having the courage to say he was seeing things, objects and people. The mother solidified for a minute or two, and then called the father. The only decision that came to their mind at that point was to get in the car and leave, and so they did.

The father had a few of his contacts who dealt with such incidents. He called one of them, and took him to the house and stayed there for a couple of days. It had only been a night that Aaron started sleeping normally, and the following morning, the father’s friend left without informing anyone.

On calling the friend and asking as to why he left so early, his reply was, “there are Jinn’s in your house, and they told me you interfered with them therefore they will spare no one, and will kill you, your wife and your son. I shall come tomorrow and solve this matter for you.” With a “thank you” in reply the father ended the call. 

The following day, the father’s friend revisited, and did a few readings and recitations. He asks for a black string, captured the jinn’s in the string, tied a knot, put it on the stove and left it to burn.

Eager to know, the friend questioned Aaron’s parents as to what had happened to why Aaron had such a response to sleep.  On remembering the mother told him that Aaron and her were at a park, she was busy doing her rounds and Aaron kept on irritating her as he wanted to make a leak. She told him to go and do it under a tree.

With a strange look on his face, leaving the mother startled, the father’s friend continued, “Your son leaked on the jinn’s, and that is why they came behind him furiously in revenge. They wanted to play with his mind, until he lost his senses and died of a mental disease.”

On hearing this, the mother broke down into tears. The guilt inside her arose. She couldn’t believe how harsh she was to her son when he tried approaching her for comfort.   

The mother went up to Aaron, her eyes bleeding with tears, the guilt tearing her apart, with an apologetic look on her face, held him tight, squeezing him, hoping she is forgiven…


  1. Mmmm.....interesting concept. I can see that the criteria of "The Haunting" has been fully dealt with so that is one thing that is done. The terror is also evident, however the exploration is partial. The guilt part however is only evident right toward the end which is problematic. It is a complete short story as all the parts of a short story are evident. I would settle for a 6/10 for this one and a pat on the back for an original idea.

  2. i would have loved if you had used some foreshadowing in the beginning to hint at how the seemingly pleasant walk in the park could bare such consequences. it would have built up on the impact. also, i wouls have preferred an ending where she is apologetic but it ends on a note like, she hoped she was forgiven by her little son but she would never forgive herself for the peril her negligence caused her son and as she pulled him closer and tightly embraced him. this way, the readers dont forget the haunting in the end and just look at the mother and son.