I looked out the unclean car window and saw nothing but rugged mountains, there was no person, no soul. Even when I looked at the furthest point, I saw ice capped mountains and dangerous curvy roads made along them.
Ali was sitting right next to me and he was feeling very sick. He never liked the mountaneous roads, but because I had convinced him to travel with me, and so he was.
I loved travelling and Ali and I both loved drugs. We bad been doing drugs since 6 years and a friend of our had told us about this new drug which gave the most scintillating high. It was described as a spaceship which teleports your mind to another world. I was curious, i had never heard of something like this. It was an enigma. My friend Taimur, told me how to get hold of this drug and here we were in balouhistan, a few miles from quetta and about to reach the place where we could get the scorpion drug. Yes, you heard me right, a scorpion. It was a new way of getting high. Scorpions, dried till they become crunchy enough to be crushed and made into powder and mixed precisely with marijuana to get the unmatchable high.
The car stopped and Sher Khan, our driver, said '' here it is , sir ". It was a tent with policemen sitting at the enterance. I was confused, but then the driver told me not to worry as they had been bribed. The drug dealers were astute as they had got thenselves a sort of an " insurance " just in case of getting caught.
We entered, and a pungent smell struck me. I put my hand on my nose while Ali didnt, he liked this smell. There were 3 men in shalwar kameez with long beards. AK-74u's right beside them. They knew who I was and they gave me an average sized ring box and told me to mix just a little amount of powder in marijuana. And then he brought hia hand up expecting something, ofcourse it was money. I paid they guy 20,000 rupee. He counted and gave me the signal to leave and we headed back to our hotel in quetta.
The first thing I did was roll two joints and mixed the powder in it. Ali mixed a little too much of the powder. The mechanism, how it worked and took the mind to another level was still abstruce to me. We smoked, it was weird and at the same time soothing. It made us feel light, lighter than an atom. We both smoked up and lied on our beds, it had indeed teleported me somewhere else and all my worries were left in this planet where as i wasnt. We didnt want to move or do anything when all of a sudden Ali started screaming and shouting, i thought it was a joke and i started laughing and ali fell on his bed. I didnt realize he wasnt faking it until the next morning when i woke up and found him dead. His lips were black and his eyes red. My head got heavy , it was too much for me to handle. Why did I do this? I should had never convinced him to come with me. I should had atleast stopped him from mixing too much or took care of him at the night. I was to blame for his death. I was scared and I thought Ill be blamed for his death so I threw his body down the mountaneous forests. It was too much for me to handle and so I smoked and i smoked till I couldnt feel my body. I was paralyzed for an hour and when I woke up I saw Ali standing next to me, waving and smiling at me. I got back, i got scared. Was he for real or had i smoked alot? And he dissappeared. I took a deep breath and poured some water through my dry throat. I spent my day packing and watching tv and then i slept.
I woke up the next morning and the only thing I was worried about was what to say to Alis parents. I was really scared. I went to the washroom to shower, after that I brushed, i gargled and spitted and as i looked up in the mirror, he was there standing next to me. His face full of blood and scorpions all over it. I slapped myself but it was no dream. Maybe his ghost was haunting me, why wouldnt it ? I killed him. He had all the rights to haunt me.
I ran to the airport and booked the first flight to islamabad and when i was waiting for it, the police came rushing like atheletes and arrested me. They knew i had done it as they found my phone just a few steps from alis body. My heart was a drum, beating so hard that I thought it would tear my chest and escape it.
I saw Ali everywhere, on my way to the police station, at the airport and now in my cell too. I screamed to the guards but no one listened. Ali pointed his finger at me and said you killed me, You killed your best friend, you deserve to die! I couldnt handle it, i shouted crying like a baby. The guards came and i dont know what got into me and i confessed.
I was guilty. I was scared.
Alis ghost still haunts me everyday , it comes to me and talks to me. Tells me that I murdered him and I dont deserve to live. Im scared of Ali now, hes not like he was before. Hes not my friend, no hes not.
Hes the reason Im in this phsyc-yard. Im not mad or crazy, i am normal. Normal people see ghost all the time. Maybe this is my prison for murdering Ali , a prison where Alis ghost haunts me.
Ali was sitting right next to me and he was feeling very sick. He never liked the mountaneous roads, but because I had convinced him to travel with me, and so he was.
I loved travelling and Ali and I both loved drugs. We bad been doing drugs since 6 years and a friend of our had told us about this new drug which gave the most scintillating high. It was described as a spaceship which teleports your mind to another world. I was curious, i had never heard of something like this. It was an enigma. My friend Taimur, told me how to get hold of this drug and here we were in balouhistan, a few miles from quetta and about to reach the place where we could get the scorpion drug. Yes, you heard me right, a scorpion. It was a new way of getting high. Scorpions, dried till they become crunchy enough to be crushed and made into powder and mixed precisely with marijuana to get the unmatchable high.
The car stopped and Sher Khan, our driver, said '' here it is , sir ". It was a tent with policemen sitting at the enterance. I was confused, but then the driver told me not to worry as they had been bribed. The drug dealers were astute as they had got thenselves a sort of an " insurance " just in case of getting caught.
We entered, and a pungent smell struck me. I put my hand on my nose while Ali didnt, he liked this smell. There were 3 men in shalwar kameez with long beards. AK-74u's right beside them. They knew who I was and they gave me an average sized ring box and told me to mix just a little amount of powder in marijuana. And then he brought hia hand up expecting something, ofcourse it was money. I paid they guy 20,000 rupee. He counted and gave me the signal to leave and we headed back to our hotel in quetta.
The first thing I did was roll two joints and mixed the powder in it. Ali mixed a little too much of the powder. The mechanism, how it worked and took the mind to another level was still abstruce to me. We smoked, it was weird and at the same time soothing. It made us feel light, lighter than an atom. We both smoked up and lied on our beds, it had indeed teleported me somewhere else and all my worries were left in this planet where as i wasnt. We didnt want to move or do anything when all of a sudden Ali started screaming and shouting, i thought it was a joke and i started laughing and ali fell on his bed. I didnt realize he wasnt faking it until the next morning when i woke up and found him dead. His lips were black and his eyes red. My head got heavy , it was too much for me to handle. Why did I do this? I should had never convinced him to come with me. I should had atleast stopped him from mixing too much or took care of him at the night. I was to blame for his death. I was scared and I thought Ill be blamed for his death so I threw his body down the mountaneous forests. It was too much for me to handle and so I smoked and i smoked till I couldnt feel my body. I was paralyzed for an hour and when I woke up I saw Ali standing next to me, waving and smiling at me. I got back, i got scared. Was he for real or had i smoked alot? And he dissappeared. I took a deep breath and poured some water through my dry throat. I spent my day packing and watching tv and then i slept.
I woke up the next morning and the only thing I was worried about was what to say to Alis parents. I was really scared. I went to the washroom to shower, after that I brushed, i gargled and spitted and as i looked up in the mirror, he was there standing next to me. His face full of blood and scorpions all over it. I slapped myself but it was no dream. Maybe his ghost was haunting me, why wouldnt it ? I killed him. He had all the rights to haunt me.
I ran to the airport and booked the first flight to islamabad and when i was waiting for it, the police came rushing like atheletes and arrested me. They knew i had done it as they found my phone just a few steps from alis body. My heart was a drum, beating so hard that I thought it would tear my chest and escape it.
I saw Ali everywhere, on my way to the police station, at the airport and now in my cell too. I screamed to the guards but no one listened. Ali pointed his finger at me and said you killed me, You killed your best friend, you deserve to die! I couldnt handle it, i shouted crying like a baby. The guards came and i dont know what got into me and i confessed.
I was guilty. I was scared.
Alis ghost still haunts me everyday , it comes to me and talks to me. Tells me that I murdered him and I dont deserve to live. Im scared of Ali now, hes not like he was before. Hes not my friend, no hes not.
Hes the reason Im in this phsyc-yard. Im not mad or crazy, i am normal. Normal people see ghost all the time. Maybe this is my prison for murdering Ali , a prison where Alis ghost haunts me.
the story goes from juvenile nonchalance to deviance to drug overdose and then sudden haunting? there is no flow. perhaps if you used foreshadowing to indicate that things would soon take a turn for the worse. and one minute hes laughing at his friend screaming and then he wakes up the next day? both the guilt and the terror are hastily included in the ending. it doesnt come together well.
ReplyDeleteMmmm.....the basic idea was good, but delivery highly problematic. You need to sequence your work so that it flows in a logical order. You spent so much time building it up, that there was no time left to actually focus on The Haunting, the guilt and the terror.
ReplyDeleteGrade - 5/10