tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post2649016680229369229..comments2011-12-06T09:55:02.639-08:00Comments on Nausheen Manji's English Language Virtual Class: The Haunting by Zainab AlamNausheen Manjihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08093578164782148162noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post-13372923629783504512011-11-13T21:04:52.088-08:002011-11-13T21:04:52.088-08:00LOVE the intro Zainab! I think you created a great...LOVE the intro Zainab! I think you created a great effect with it.<br />Focus on showing more and telling less.<br />Is it a short story - yes, is it The Haunting - yes, Do we see guilt - yes, Do we terror - at time. Over all a 7/10Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post-57742281125006875032011-11-12T07:21:30.348-08:002011-11-12T07:21:30.348-08:00Frankly, i can not find much wrong with this essay...Frankly, i can not find much wrong with this essay. It's excellent. The only thing i can think of that would make this essay even better is more imagery. images that arouse the five senses.<br />"Sometimes I feel like my end is near. And then I begin to fear - where will Allah put a murderer? Heaven or Hell?"<br /><br />"I often mind myself plagued with the thought of my end drawing near. The anxiety that soaks through my sheets at night, the anticipation that pulls my heart into my throat, the terrifyingly cold sensation that flows down my spine. And then I begin to fear - where will Allah put a murderer? Heaven or Hell? and suddenly, I can't breathe"<br />Can you see/feel the difference?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post-77472356959167498202011-11-12T04:40:17.525-08:002011-11-12T04:40:17.525-08:00The opening to this story is cryptic to me. The wa...The opening to this story is cryptic to me. The way in which the story begins shows that this in fact is not the real beginning, that there is a story behind it which has already taken place and needs to be told later. Two characters are introduced in the opening paragraph. The point of view used in the first paragraph is second person. The intro gives us an idea that someone is to lose someone else, hence compelling the reader to move ahead on the story and know what happened. The pacing in heavily descriptive, focusing on the setting and atmosphere like the ‘serenity and whiteness’ which is symbolized by ‘a white canvas’ and the character is described as a ‘drop of color’ which makes the character more interesting. The tone is serious and sad in this paragraph.<br />The second and third paragraphs then tell the reader that a character died due to medical reasons, but the protagonist blames it on herself, believing that she caused it to happen. She feels guilty about what she did to him that made him die. The point of view here changes to first person.<br />The tone in the next two paragraphs is both contrite and plaintive, showing sorrow and for a sin, feeling guilty and suffering at the same time. It shows how she is suffering in the aftermath of her husband’s death. She even hurts herself without realizing it. The lines ‘I don’t deserve to live anymore’, ‘knife inflicted wounds’ and the vivid images she saw of him ‘howling’, ‘crying’, ‘screaming’ all show the repentance and shame of the protagonist over what she did.<br />The same tone continues in the rest of the story. She misses her husband and regrets blaming and fighting him all the time on petty issues. She asks herself rhetorical questions in paragraph 6 which actually tell us more about the situation between the two characters, giving a clearer picture of the background for example the question ‘What if I hadn’t neglected him so much?’, shows her carelessness towards her husband.<br />The ending of the story is tragic, as her husband has died and nothing can be done to bring him back. Her soul is so restless that she imagines him making coffee for her, actually showing that he was nice to her despite her behavior towards him. The last paragraph is then again connected to the first one, giving it a perfect closure.Wajiha Ashrafhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01178635436806329663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post-89707083227559267232011-11-09T05:10:04.541-08:002011-11-09T05:10:04.541-08:00You need to focus on the tone Mahnoor. Identify wr...You need to focus on the tone Mahnoor. Identify writer's purpose, tone and where the story begins and ends in the introduction.<br />Focus on the progress that takes place in the story and how the tone changes as the story progresses and what specific language features show these effects. Yu must pick individual words, style features, POV, to show the effects. For example - The rhetorical question in paragraph ___ shows.....<br />You wrote - "He was standing right in front of me, and he was crying. Howling. Pulling his hair and wailing". The image built up is of a man in excruciating pain, and the narrator being suppressed with tons of guilt weighing her down. <br />The assessment is correct but the quote is too long.<br />It's a good effort for a first commentary. A 7/10.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2126113378990982419.post-29567647400744442812011-11-08T23:34:53.373-08:002011-11-08T23:34:53.373-08:00The intro of this piece is perfect for the genre. ...The intro of this piece is perfect for the genre. It fully grasps the reader's attention and keeps us interested till the very end. This piece illustrates the complications one encounters, unexpectedly, in life, the horror of losing a loved one, and the complexities of marriage. the narrator is completely guilt ridden and its the dominant emotion she feels right now. <br />Paragraphs 5 & 6 are the highlight of this story for me. The rhetorical questions, the reminiscing, the nostalgia, all this has been expressed in a very realistic manner. <br />As the reader, I felt that through the diction used, the writer has successfully managed to make her audience feel empathy towards the narrator. I actually got goosebumps when I read "And I saw him… I saw him again. For the first time ever. He was standing right in front of me, and he was crying. Howling. Pulling his hair and wailing". The image built up is of a man in excruciating pain, and the narrator being suppressed with tons of guilt weighing her down. <br />Her guilt makes her want her existence to cease. Her life to end. She feels it's meaningless without her loved one. Her life is full if regret, regret over how she treated him, how she blamed him for everything that went wrong, regret over how she didn't give their relationship a 100%. And wondering, that if she had, things would have been different. He would have been with her. She could have been happy. To lose a loved one is tragic, depressing, and hurtful. However, there's always more pain and sorrow, if that depression is full of guilt and remorse. In this case, it is. mahnoor rizwanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06765719840079241393noreply@blogger.com